Comments on: 13 states consider workplace-bully laws

By: CJ

CJ — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 15:19:56 +0000

Employer/Bully-that is horrible. And the fact that other managers get away with it is even worse. Someone really needs to report him on the exisiting laws that he does violate. It doesn’t necessarily have to be one of the employees. But, people need to keep notes with dates and times and incidents should it ever get elevated to a legal status. If anyone were to get fired and has this kind of information documented, it could mean trouble for Mr. Bullyman. My bully boss called people names here and quite frequently dropped “F” bombs. It is totally unprofessional. Unfortunately, your boss is right as far as finding replacements since there are so many unemployeed people. The key is, would the next person stand for it and is he willing to take the chance of someone sueing him? Maybe someone needs to spit that tidbit out to him. Good luck and I hope you find a better boss.

By: CJ

CJ — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 13:01:50 +0000

Eva,
Thank you. Being bullied is terrible and frustrating. I wanted to quit many times but I truly love my job. I learned how to deal with it in my own way, which doesn’t work for everyone. But after 18 years, I am still at the company which the bully owns and I can still say I love my job. He has since retired. If anything, I have toughened up and learned how to stand up for myself; which I never did before. So in an odd way, it helped me. I understand not everyone is in that position. I would never advocate bullying but I do advocate standing up for yourself. There is plenty of good advice here and we all learn from each other. It sounds as though you had a terrible experience and that is sad. Verbal abuse is hard to get over, but you can eventually. Speaking as someone who has been in that position, don’t lose faith; just think Karma! It all circles around sooner or later.

By: EmployerBully

EmployerBully — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 00:18:36 +0000

To Julieanne:

I, too, work for an employer who is a bully, and he also allows his general managers to bully/belittle employees. Lately (with the country’s unemployment on the rise), he has gotten worse. He will actually tell you to go ahead and find another job because he can select your replacement from no less than 200 applicants. He will call you names like ’sorry’, ‘lazy’, ‘worthless’, ’son of a b***ch’, ‘mother f***er’, and whatever rolls out of his mouth. He stops just short of racial or gender slurs. Our state is not on the list, but I honestly don’t think that legislation would stop him because he does not even abide by FLSA, DOT, or any other existing laws.

By: Eva Says

Eva Says — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 22:30:39 +0000

CJ, sorry but I did not read back to the original post. I was going by your comments on August 14th. I thought this was a general discussion on the topic of bullying. I’m still bothered by your comments of the 14th but, from the sound of your last post, I believe I misjudged you. I wanted to see someone stand by the victim and not — as I’ve experienced in the past — take sides with the bully because it’s easier to take sides with the “winning” team. And you’re right . . . time takes care of the bully and sometimes I don’t have time to wait on that. Good point!

EMP, thanks for sharing your experience and advice, as well as the reference to Jacki’s post of 11/3. As you might have already realized, I’m still trying to get over my experience. Dwelling on it won’t help but hearing those who understand and have advice to offer certainly does. Thank you.

By: EMP

EMP — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 19:30:21 +0000

I responded to this discussion back on 11/3/2008. At that time we had four women and two men who were bullies in a workforce of 200. When I was hired I had been bullied by these individuals and have seen others go through the same treatment. Since that time, as the HR Manager I have worked very hard with their supervisors in providing an environment free from harrassment. It helped that other new people were being hired (I had been here a year prior) and I was able to provide proof that this was a common practice for these individuals. For the most part, some of these individuals had no idea how they were coming across to their victims. We provided expectations and reviewed competencies with each one. Two of the ladies are still problem children but as I observe them, they see how others have moved up due to their positive attitudes and they have lost their ‘power’ because the others have seen the opportunities a changed attitude has provided them.

Bullies take away your self esteem and you lay victim to their accusations bc in many cases you have no place to turn to. Yes, you need to stand up for yourself, let the truth be known, don’t give up and if you are a manager, and you don’t have to be in HR, do not tolerate it. It is a critical coversation but the bully needs to be told to stop.

Also, those of us that are victims, don’t fall into their game. Don’t give them power, don’t gossip about them, silently document, follow some of the good guidlelines provided by Jacki posted on 11/3, and if you do not have management support, stay righteous, or you could find another job. I believe what goes around comes around. Yes, I’d like to be around to see it but just knowing someday will happen is gratifying as well. By the way — when I left my previous job, I worked for a bully that told me every week “I just don’t know if you will have a job next week” and the corporate HR did not support me when I advised them of the treatment. When I did my exit interview I sent my exit interview to the VP’s of the company. This individual was sent to EAP and my ex-coworkers thank me everytime they see me.

By: CJ

CJ — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 18:19:03 +0000

Yes, Eva, I have been bullied; by the owner of the company. Many times. I didn’t leave my job because I liked it. I handled it by arguing back. I witnessed him bully just about everyone in the company. And many times, I told him he was wrong. So first of all, read thoroughly, my first reply stated this fact; secondly I do have a grasp on this issue. I witnessed it every day for 17 years, until the owner retired. As adults, don’t you think we need to take care of ourselves? Don’t you think it is up to us to determine where we work? There are different types of bullying too. Personally, I would not let a bully ruin my life. But that is me. It sounds like maybe you have had personal experience in being bullied and that is not right. I do not advocate bullying. I think it is mean. I also am not saying that it is weak character. Everyone has their own tolerance level. And if someone were to commit suicide over being bullied, that is a tragedy. It should never get to that point. So Eva, please don’t assume the type of personality of me and don’t put words into my replies. I have never once in any of my replies agreed with the action of bullying.

By: Eva Says

Eva Says — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 18:08:01 +0000

CJ, I read what you said. And in the end what I heard was that the victim should put up or shut up. As far as the need to deal with the bully –

A bully will sometimes go to illegal means to victimize another co-worker. How does the co-worker prove it, expecially when it is serial bullying and many others are involved? You don’t seem to have a real grasp of the harm caused by bullying. But maybe you don’t want to know. It’s easier to exist in denial and tell the victim of bullying to stop making a big deal out of nothing. And if their lives are ruined as a result of bullying or they commit suicide, well, just blame that on weak character. After all, you’ve never been a victim of bullying. Yet.

By: CJ

CJ — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 17:53:01 +0000

In both my replies I have stated that I do not support bullies and I do not bully. I don’t understand Eva how you can say I bully people. I bend over backwards to accomodate the people who report to me trying to make their lives and jobs easier. You can ask any of the women I work with and they will tell you that I do not bully. Unfortunately, bullies do exist. All I am saying is that adults, we need to determine whether or not we want to work in that environment. If you want to, then you need to deal with the bully. Everyone has a different opinion of what bullying can be, if its name calling or yelling at a person. I do not support either. As adults, we have the choice on where we work.

By: Eva Says

Eva Says — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 01:46:33 +0000

CJ, you sound like a bully to me. Bullies don’t like being challenged. They yell “cry-baby” when their victim expresses pain. Bullying gives them a false sense of power and ridiculing the victim and making sport of their pain is an attempt to take the focus off their bad behavior. Blame the victim! They deserve what they get! Just suck it up! They prey on people who have a highly developed sense of integrity. They count on the fact that they won’t stoop to their level. They push the victim and ridicule them as being over-emotional or immature or mentally ill. They act the way they do because they’ve been bullied and have no allies, not even management. The bullies destroy the victim’s reputation and because their hatred is so rabid they will stop at nothing to convince the rest of the world that what they say is true. The victims have the same rights to work and not be bothered, bullied, or slandered as the bullies. Why should they leave their jobs? If anyone should leave, it should be the bully. I say that because in my experience bullies are often weak employees who call in sick for no reason, arrive late and take off early, pawn their work off on others, gossip most of the day at work and spend a considerable amount of time e-mailing their gossip to other co-workers, sometimes even tag-teaming to drive off the victim whom they consider a threat. If the victim leaves, there will always be another one right behind them to be scapegoated and keep the focus off the bullies. When managers grow a conscience there will be less reason for lawsuits, fewer broken lives, more productivity in the workplace, etc. And Diane, you should be wearing a scarlet “B” on your chest . . .

By: CJ

CJ — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 14:25:35 +0000

Anti-bully,
Learn to read. I said that every ADULT is responsible for their actions. No one said you have to stay at a job where you are being bullied. I also said that I was bullied by the owner, but I stood up for myself and 18 years later, I run the office. I DO NOT support bullies and I DO NOT bully. I am quite the opposite. Would you say that letting people leave early on their wedding anniversary, letting people leave early the day before they start vacation, buying birthday gifts, buying lunches, celebrating baseball opening days, celebrating super bowl week, telling people to get here safely when they are running late and not to worry about the time lost, letting people leave early in inclement weather to beat traffic, telling people when they get stressed to just go take a quick walk outside, on spring days telling people to just get outside for some fresh air, buying ice cream just because it is a nice summer day, playing trivia games for prizes, etc being a bully, well, then I guess I would be.
Anti-bully-You need to learn to read more thoroughly and stop jumping to conclusions about people. You need to understand what “at will” employment is all about and Kacy, you are right, we are not adult baby sitters.