‘Bridezilla’ and ‘Groomzilla’ meet the workplace: wedding etiquette
June 30, 2008 by Jim GiulianoPosted in: Behavior, Communication, Latest News & Views
When someone on the job is getting married, there are rules about what’s OK and what isn’t.
Q: Should I tell my boss?
A: Yes, but beware of TMI – Too Much Information. It’s polite to tell the boss that you’re getting married, since he or she will probably hear about it anyway, but hold back on the nitty-gritty details. The boss may ask a few polite question, but be aware that’s all they are – polite questions. Don’t take them as an invitation to tell all.
Q: Speaking of invitations, should I invite the boss?
A: That’s a tricky one, and it depends on your relationship with the boss. The general answer is yes, unless the wedding is so small that you’re limiting attendance to close friends and family.
Q: And what about inviting co-workers?
A: Again, that’s tricky and there are no rules about it. If you regularly socialize with some co-workers, then you’ll probably want to invite them. If you work in a small department, you’re asking for trouble if you invite some people in the department and not others.
Q: What about the “gray area” people I don’t invite – those I’m friendly with at work but not really friends? Should I tell them they’re not invited?
A: It’s a good idea to sit down with those people and explain that because of limitations of space or money, you couldn’t invite everyone but that you still value their friendship.
Q: Is it bad form to discuss any of the details of the wedding at work?
A: When in doubt about what’s OK, talk less. Going on and on about the details of the wedding or mentioning invitations in front of those who aren’t invited are examples of too much.
Q: Are spouses or significant others always invited?
A: You betcha. You’re risking trouble if you invite someone from work but exclude the person’s partner.
Tags: co-workers, tmi, wedding, workplace
September 29th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I understand what you are saying, but I believe that when you get married this is an important day for your and your partner and it’s all about you. You should be able to invite whomever you please. But, by all means, do be polite to the ones that you have not invited, as you say due to finances. But above all do not waste time and effort over worrying about other peoples feelings. First off this is not a job function it is a personal and private function and if people can not understand that, then oh well.
December 10th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I work at a company with less than 30 employees. When I got married, I invited everyone. I even included someone who started with the company 2 months from the wedding and one that was hired 3 weeks before the wedding. I went to them and told them face to face that I was getting married and that they were more than welcome to attend, but not to feel obligated. I told them I didn’t want them to feel left out. I felt that it was more important to make someone feel welcome than to worry about a $50 dinner plate. When working in small companies I believe in the all or nothing. It is too easy to hurt someones feelings, and then you have to work with them. People who you are not “friends” with most likely won’t attend since it would mean having to give a gift, possibly hire baby sitters and get new outfits. They cannot justify the spending for someone who is not an actual friend.
December 24th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
I agree with being careful on who you invite and don’t invite. There are 5 of us who work in an our office 4 of us are managers and the 5th is our clerk. We all have a strong personal relationship both in and out of work. Out of all of us the newest Manager who has been our office for about 2 years now is not as personnal with us. She was hoping that when her daughter was looking for a better job that we (I) would interview her and hire her into a position I do the interviews for. Her daughter had a good interview and I did hire her, not for the sake of her mother wanting her to have a better job, but for the fact she interviewed well.
The story is her daughter was getting married within six months of being hired and her mother who worked here for year or little more sent out the invitations to the other office staff here (except me), not knowing this until one day the other 3 were talking about the reception seating and was hoping we would be sitting together in my presence and asked what I though. Of course I stunned them all by saying I was not invited. I asked them not to mention it to the other Manager because I would not have gone anyhow, however it would have been nice to be able to at least have the chance to say thank you but I can not make it due to other obligations. After the wedding we were all in the morning office socail meeting they all talked about how good the food was and how great of time they had with the other manager in there as well. Not once did it seem to her that she didn’t invite me nor was I not even there.
I was a little bothered by it, only because she basically begged me to hire her daughter in the first place and I made it happen, even thought her daughter was qualified and hired by me not the other 3 in the office…it was kind of a slap in the face, but as it goes the other 3 are finding out that she is not all that personal nor friendly at our own little office (outside of work) parties.
My point is that I agree on being very careful on who you invite if you are not you are asking for inter-deparmental issues. Don’t get me wrong I am not upset or dissappionted that I was not invited, however she never seems to think anything about it when they all talked about the wedding after it happened.