Nobody’s perfect, and everyone makes mistakes — which means there will always be instances that require you to give or receive negative feedback. Whichever end you’re on — giving or receiving — how you handle it can determine whether the next step is forward or backwards.

Here are tips from the book “It’s Never Too Late to Be What You Might Have Been,” by BJ Gallagher:

Giving

• Provide examples of the problem behavior.  For instance, “You shouted at two customers yesterday.” That’s better than “You have a bad attitude with customers.”
• Solicit questions and comments.  Be wary of the employee who broods quietly. That’s often a sign of resentment, not acceptance.  Ask leading questions that draw the employee out and give you some clues to the employee’s thinking. Example: “Tell me what you disagree with and why.”
• Get a commitment to change.  And try to put that commitment in measurable terms. Example: “So, you agree that you’ll be on time every day for the next month.”
• Schedule follow-up. Make it clear that this isn’t a one-and-done deal — that you’ll be checking back to see that there’s been a change and all commitments have been met.

Receiving

• Ask for or acknowledge examples. If the boss says, “I hear you’ve missed a few deadlines lately,” either ask for specifics or acknowledge that, yes, you’re guilty as charged.
• Ask for a chance to do better. Outline what you’re going to do to improve and when you’d like the boss to revisit your performance.
• Say “thanks.” Look at it this way: Negative feedback is a sign that someone cares and is interested in your improvement. Yes, there do seem to be those times when the feedback seems pointless. Still, a thank you is in order.

Tags: BJ Gallagher, feedback, It's Never Too Late to Be What You Might Have Been