Handling the 3 worst types of jerks at work
July 10, 2008 by Jim GiulianoPosted in: Behavior, Communication, In this week's e-newsletter, Latest News & Views
Most people agree that rudeness on the job is becoming the norm. One person says he has the cure for the three worst examples.
That person is P.M Forni, a professor at Johns Hopkins University, who says he has the answers in his new book, ”The Civility Solution: What to Do When People are Rude.”
Forni cites common situations of rudeness, and how to deal with them:
Another person takes credit for your work.
In as calm a voice as possible, say to the person, “You failed to mention that a good part of the report was done by my office under my direction. It was a collaborative effort, and I think the boss had the impression instead that the bulk of the work was done by your group. I think we should rectify that impression.” That puts the burden on that person to send an e-mail to the boss with a “CC” to you.
If the culprit is reluctant to set the record straight, then you go one rung up the ladder and you explain to the supervisor what happened and say that you owe it to yourself and to your team that she, the boss, know exactly how the plan came into being. You do this without being judgmental about what the colleague did, without using harsh words, without revisiting in a blaming way what your colleague did or did not do. Stay focused on the issue that this is the version of the facts that the boss needs to hear.
A co-worker doesn’t follow through on a commitment.
Try the S-I-R approach – State the problem; explain the “I” effect, or how the failure affected you; Request a change in behavior. For instance: “You didn’t finish the report when you said you would. That meant I had to push back or delay all the jobs I was working on. I’d like you to pay more attention to deadlines or let me know well in advance if you’re having a problem meeting the deadline.”
Someone keeps sending you too many “joke” e-mails.
Simply send an e-mail to the person and say, “John, as much as I appreciate your willingness to keep in contact, the commitments of my work these days are such that I have trouble enough keeping up with my work-related e-mail, let alone trying to find time to read for pleasure. So I want to tell you I cannot find the time to look at correspondence that is not strictly related to work. And so I hope you will understand if I do not give you feedback on what you are sending me. Maybe for the time being, at least, you may want to cease and desist, so to speak.”
Tags: e-mail, Johns Hopkins, The Civility Solution: What to Do When People are Rude
July 14th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Someone sending too many joke emails…not exactly the biggest “jerK’ behavior I’ve observed…annoying, yes…but jerk? Anyway, my suggestion is “delete”…that’s what’s nice about email…you don’t want to read it…delete it! The length of the email you suggest and tone might encourage someone’s who really a jerk to up the ante and make this an issue. I’d say ignoring the behavior is less likely to cause a scene.
July 15th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Yes, someone sending too many joke emails can be jerk behavior. Especially when it is a flurry of inappropriate, off-color or sexually explicit joke emails. I have had one of those in my office…and a manager no less. It was getting out of control and I had to ask her politely to not send me anymore. I just told her that I receive so many emails in a day that I didn’t have time to read through them all. (Oh, she also loved the chain email that you were supposed to send to 10 friends AND the person who sent it….grrrr.) Every once in a while she still can’t resist and has to send me one…but for the most part they have stopped.
July 16th, 2008 at 8:24 am
I agree with Michele. Joke emails can be annoying but I wouldn’t put them in the same jerk category as the first two. I read this and when I got to number three I almost laughed out loud. Did they seriously say this was one of the top three worst jerks at work? They need to come to work with me for a few days. I can show them some jerks and they would be wishing all they were doing was flooding their inbox.
July 16th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Thanks, Erin…I needed a good laugh…just had another encounter with one of our resident “jerks”.
July 17th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
I had to tell my sister (twice) to stop sending me joke e-mails. That unlike her I had to earn my pay and had work to do.
July 23rd, 2008 at 9:29 am
I had to tell my friends to send to my home address only, NOT at work.
It worked!!!
July 28th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Off-color or sexually explicit jokes are not jerk behavior, they are sexual harrasment and should be treated as such. But I agree that most joke emails are just annoying and can be deleted easily. A friend sent me chain emails (just in case!) and I told her I don’t reply to those, eventually she quit. Maybe the promises didn’t come through.
July 15th, 2009 at 8:19 am
Joke emails are bad, but religious and political ones are worse. In our office one person would send both types that were so intense they could not be ignored, so I sent a short email back that just said I didn’t share her views and asked her to please take me off her distribution list. That worked and we are able to get along just fine(as far as I can tell).
August 24th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
If only those three behaviors were the worst “jerk” behaviors I have had to deal with! LOL