Comments on: What would you do? The signs of domestic abuse are obvious

By: HR

HR — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 16:59:46 +0000

Gina,

Does your employer have an EAP? they are usually available 24/7 and 100% confidential. But dont ever feel ashamed. Its not your fault. Nothing ever constitutes someone abusing another person. Dont allow this person to take ‘control” over your life.

By: John

John — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:45:15 +0000

Gina B

Please, if the hotline is available in the mornings call them. Don’t give in to abuse. The only thing that will make it better will require your courage and involvement. There is help out there.

By: Gina B

Gina B — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 02:10:19 +0000

I cannot even tell you what I have been through…..I know that right now I have dropped all charges, b/c my abuser covered his own butt b/c in fear of lsong his job if anyone found out….he knew what to do & did it. Now I sit here & feel like I cannot handle this. Even after the abuse is over I have the emotional end that I cannot handle. I ned to talk to someone now & there is no one…all the hotlines tell you to call in the morning. Then you still have no one just to talk to, just to get out some of these feelings.

By: HR

HR — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 13:34:29 +0000

I have dealt with this issue. An employee came into my office and took off her sweatshirt (she had a shirt on underneath) and she was black and blue. I referred her To our EAP and another employee was in there that at the time and that employee gave her the Victims of Domestic Violence hotline.
The way that she approached it I knew she just needed and wanted someone to listen. I made sure that due to her problems at that time we were being somewhat leniant of any attendance issues (which werent that bad) and I made sure myself and the direct supervisor were available when she needed someone to talk to. Well Im happy to report that she is no longer in that situation, its taken her several months but she finally got the strength and courage to get out.
As a side note….She even got a promotion in the company. Luckily, this story has a happy ending.

By: David

David — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 14:59:40 +0000

Maybe I’m just ignorant or coming from the viewpoint of an employer’s attorney, but I would think telling the potential victim exactly why you suspect abuse would be a better starting point. However, I am not an HR expert until a matter gets to a disciplinary hearing (I represent a government; not the private sector). However, in the past 30 years, I have represented a lot of abuse women (and some men) by court-appointment. A direct approach…”I think you may be suffering from domestic abuse because of x, y, z observations…” may elicit more honest responses. I learn a LOT from you folks; am I off-base here? Is there a “right” approach?

By: Teeney

Teeney — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 15:11:46 +0000

This is a very touchy situation… Confrontation can deter the victim from admitting what is anyway embarrassing! and at the same time, confrontation can force the person to do something about the abuse and than again sometimes confiding in someone at work too can make them feel even worse if they decide to stick with the abuser or do nothing about it… sometimes in cases like this, the easiest way to avoid singling out a person while helping them in the workplace is to hold company training… divide the trainees into single groups of male and female groups. Have a specialist conduct the training! and make sure that the training pamplets, materials or information, should be distributed to everyone indirectly by placing on each chair, desk… so no one is singled out…no one feels like everyone know…

By: Deborah Ybarra

Deborah Ybarra — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 11:37:43 +0000

I would talk with “Gina” privately and let her know that we are concerned about what we are observing and that help is available – making mention of our EAP, local help, etc. I would, in my circumstance, personalize it – I have lived that situation and can speak to it directly. Because I can offer that viewpoint, “Gina” may sense genuine concern and seek the help she would need.

By: Linda Meek

Linda Meek — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 17:35:54 +0000

Any employer information that is distributed to a suspected victim of domestic violence should include the national domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-7233, as well as the contact information for their local domestic violence program. That way, the employee can seek assistance outside of her place of employment and her confidentiality can be maintained.