When L-O-V-E at work spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E
March 17, 2008 by Jim GiulianoPosted in: Behavior, Communication, Latest News & Views, Sexual harrassment, policies
Yes, you can regulate romance in the workplace. But there’s a right way and a wrong way.
Workplace romance started around the time a couple named Adam and Eve teamed up at a company called Eden Gardens. Pairings like that have been trouble ever since.
Coupling up at work often ends in charges of sexual harassment, hostility or favoritism – and you’re often the one who has to deal with it.
In frustration, you may be tempted to regulate romance in your workplace, but that’s probably a bad idea, and could end up with you and the company getting hit with an invasion-of-privacy complaint by one or more lovebirds.
But that doesn’t mean your hands are tied or that you just have to sit around and wait for the inevitable explosion when a relationship goes bad. Consider, instead, that you can institute a policy that protects you and your employer.
The contract
We’ll call it a “love contract,” although you no doubt can come up with a better name. Essentially, it’s a document signed by employees who are in a relationship at work. In it, they agree:
– their relationship is voluntary and consensual.
– to abide by your anti-discrimination, anti-harassment, and workplace-conduct policies.
– to report any perceived harassment to you if it occurs.
– to behave professionally and not to allow the relationship to affect their work.
– to avoid behavior that offends others in the workplace.
– not to engage in favoritism.
A little heavy-handed? Maybe. But not nearly so bad as dealing with a complaint that results from not having a policy.
Tags: conduct, policy, privacy, romance, sexual harassment
March 25th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Regarding the above article on “Love at work”. What if it is a married owner & his assistant that you work for?
My immediate supervisor has been having a 10 plus year affair with her boss (also my boss) who also happens to be an owner. He is 1 of 4 owners, but the other 3 are his brothers.
There is definitely a lot of favortism going on and the whole company knows what is and has been going on between the two.
Where & how are my rights to be able to work in a situation like this??
August 4th, 2008 at 11:52 am
I’m having the almost same problem as above. When it is an owner do we just have to deal with it or leave?
August 6th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
I am secretary/treasurer for our small family-owned business. I hired a young single woman at entry-level to help me in my office. I personally trained her and she pretty much took on any task given to her. She has been an acceptable employee overall, but I have had to correct her a couple of times. Once for not answering the phone when I was out of the office. This, I had documented. Later, I corrected her for gossiping in the office, which I did not document and now I wish that I had. At some point I asked her to also attend to the clerical needs of our General Manager (older, married male). He and I had worked well together toward the good of the company from the beginning and I had supported his efforts and usually would purchase for him anything that he requested which would make his job easier or more productive. Had I realized the monster that I was creating when I asked her to help him, I would have done the work myself, as now the two of them have created an office allliance (I’m not sure how intimate). Because of her gossip and complaints to him, the General Manager now does not directly speak to me unless forced to. He generally treats me with contempt and is convinced that she is overworked and that everything he asks me to handle I give to her, which is completely false. I have even found out that when one of her old boyfriends applied for a job with our company, she went to the General Manager & told him that she did not like this guy, so the General Manager told him that he couldn’t work for us. I don’t even know if this is legal, but it certainly is not the way that we do business! Should I get a statement from this person and place it in her file? This situation has caused much stress in the workplace between everyone. I plan to move her from my own office and place her in a neutral area where she will no longer have access to personal and sensitive business information which she could share with him. However, I’m sure that this will cause him to be even more defensive on her behalf. Had I been smarter, I would have fired her a long time ago. Now I fear that to do so might cause him to quit. His work on our company’s behalf has been financially beneficial. Bottom line, they BOTH work for myself and my family. I’m afraid that I have tried too hard to keep everyone happy. I MUST be more assertive, but I’ve had no training in the area of personnel management and am not sure of the legal level of control that I am allowed to exert. HELP!
August 11th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Robin,
You have quite the situation. I think every office has the one “couple” whether intimate or not intimate that seem to rock the boat of the company. Unfortunately in your case it is a General Manager. I would do one of two things, neither of which are easy. The first thing I would do is speak to the GM myself. I would explain to him that his recent behavior(site examples) with the assistant are being perceived as favoritism. I would explain to him that favoritism could lead to claims of sexual harassment. I would remind him that in his position, he should be setting an example on professionalism and behavior. I would also tell him that you are documenting the conversation and hope to see improvement. If you do not feel comfortable having this conversation with him, I would go to the owner and explain the situation and advise the owner of the risk involved if this behavior continues. For all we know the GM could be promising a benefit or promotion to the assistant and if/when this doesn’t happen, she would have a prima facie case for harassment. I would love to hear how this turns out! Keep me posted!
November 3rd, 2008 at 6:47 pm
This is off topic, and I didn’t know where to ask this, but what happens when a direct supervisor pressures you to loan them money. Several occasions I turned them down, and then I suddenly felt my job was threatened, when they asked again, I had them sign a loan packet, they agreed to pay me back over three months, but I have not been paid back and this was over $500. I still directly report to this supervisor on occasion. What can be done?
November 4th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Gerald,
I think you need to report this information to the supervisor’s manager or another senior manager in the company. I would think that they would be as shocked about this as you and remedy the situation. This is certainly a form of harassment, the repetition to request after you said no, the position where you feel your position could be threatened if you didn’t “help the supervisor out”. You need to address this immediately with your company so they can take the appropriate corrective action. Good luck! let me know how it goes.
March 12th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
To: Lori and Sandi,
I hate to tell you this, but having worked for a boss that has had several affairs and some have gone as bad as they can go, all I can tell you is you have two choises. Either you tolerate it, or you look for another job. The bottom line is if you try to do something, complaint, file a report, it only agrevates the situation and may even cause some “legal” retaliation or animosity against you. They will accuse you of invation of privacy and you will be seen as the person that spoke agains the boss. Because, if you are not in the “love” boat you are against it.
This is a difficult situation especially if the afair is between upper management and a subordinate. Worst that can happen is that even if you have a case they will settle with you outside of court you’ll lose your job and have only some money to last you six months.
If you like your job, then be smart turn the cards to work in your favor. “If you can’t beat them, then…work them to your advantage”. This may not be such a negative thing. Try to see what you can get out of the situation instead of working to get rid of the romance. Because, the changes of that happeing are minimal.
Jo
March 16th, 2009 at 11:27 am
After reading the comment from Jo, sorry but I have to disagree. The bottom line is hopefully you have more respect for yourself and others to confront the situation with integrity and honesty. Why would you think that trying to gain something from this awful situation from a personal standpoint is ok? Being married for years, it is sad that people lack such respect for their spouse, but you do not and should not have to tolerate it and play along with it.
Confront the situation in a professional manner is the right thing to do.
M.
March 16th, 2009 at 11:47 am
I agree with Haxton about self respect. But, welcome to the “real world” yes in college we were tought how to do things right, and the way the LAW protect us and that is great if you are working for the government, but not in the private sector. Each situation is unique. I have seem many in my life time and for some people is not that easy. It is easy to point the finger and critisize if you are not there. Many of us can tell everyone what they should do, but until we have lived it we can’t feel empathy.
For example take the single-mom secretary that had to go though seeing her boss fool around with a co-worker. I can tell you the whole story, but bottom line was she just decided to stay since having a flexible schedule and a job was more important for her. She didn’t have a second (husband) salary to support her. There are many factors to consier and one has study their own situation. I can’t judge people for what they decide to do all I can give is what has been my experience in these situations.
I would say that after evaluating your situation then decide on what is best. If you feel you are going to loose your self respect, then definately get out, if you can. If you can’t that’s the hardest job to take. Keep positive if you can get though this you would have learn a lot that you can teach others.
March 16th, 2009 at 11:56 am
To Robin,
Hi, you got quite the situation. Please start documenting everything. In HR you always have to keep a paper track of everyting that goes on. The way I do it sometimes is I email myslef so that I have the time and date the incidents happen. You are in a pickle because of the family issue. If you don’t have set policies start writing them and get the help of an HR consultant to see you though this. It will be hard selling the idea to the GM since he is not thinking with his head right now. But, maybe if you can get someone else in upper managment to team up with you this would be great. Unfortunatelly, you are lookign at sexual harassment (worst case) later on against the GM once the passion passes. But, if you document everything and especially if there is correspondance from HER that confirms this is a mutual agreed situation this may be the only thing that can help you later in court….if it gets to that.
I’ve seen this situation happen and I had a similar case. What saved us was that we presented evidence to the judge that the relationship was mutual and so we were able to settle out of court.
September 25th, 2009 at 10:53 am
I am in a situation where I was hired to do a job and my boss who is the top person broght his wife in to do half of my function without telling me. I have no recourse. It is easy to say to Robin that you shoud confront he person, document, etc but if you do, you will be out the door. If you do so, be prepared to start looking in this lousy economy!