When L-O-V-E at work spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E
March 17, 2008 by Jim GiulianoPosted in: Behavior, Communication, Latest News & Views, Sexual harrassment, policies
Yes, you can regulate romance in the workplace. But there’s a right way and a wrong way.
Workplace romance started around the time a couple named Adam and Eve teamed up at a company called Eden Gardens. Pairings like that have been trouble ever since.
Coupling up at work often ends in charges of sexual harassment, hostility or favoritism – and you’re often the one who has to deal with it.
In frustration, you may be tempted to regulate romance in your workplace, but that’s probably a bad idea, and could end up with you and the company getting hit with an invasion-of-privacy complaint by one or more lovebirds.
But that doesn’t mean your hands are tied or that you just have to sit around and wait for the inevitable explosion when a relationship goes bad. Consider, instead, that you can institute a policy that protects you and your employer.
The contract
We’ll call it a “love contract,” although you no doubt can come up with a better name. Essentially, it’s a document signed by employees who are in a relationship at work. In it, they agree:
– their relationship is voluntary and consensual.
– to abide by your anti-discrimination, anti-harassment, and workplace-conduct policies.
– to report any perceived harassment to you if it occurs.
– to behave professionally and not to allow the relationship to affect their work.
– to avoid behavior that offends others in the workplace.
– not to engage in favoritism.
A little heavy-handed? Maybe. But not nearly so bad as dealing with a complaint that results from not having a policy.
Tags: conduct, policy, privacy, romance, sexual harassment
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March 25th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Regarding the above article on “Love at work”. What if it is a married owner & his assistant that you work for?
My immediate supervisor has been having a 10 plus year affair with her boss (also my boss) who also happens to be an owner. He is 1 of 4 owners, but the other 3 are his brothers.
There is definitely a lot of favortism going on and the whole company knows what is and has been going on between the two.
Where & how are my rights to be able to work in a situation like this??
August 4th, 2008 at 11:52 am
I’m having the almost same problem as above. When it is an owner do we just have to deal with it or leave?
August 6th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
I am secretary/treasurer for our small family-owned business. I hired a young single woman at entry-level to help me in my office. I personally trained her and she pretty much took on any task given to her. She has been an acceptable employee overall, but I have had to correct her a couple of times. Once for not answering the phone when I was out of the office. This, I had documented. Later, I corrected her for gossiping in the office, which I did not document and now I wish that I had. At some point I asked her to also attend to the clerical needs of our General Manager (older, married male). He and I had worked well together toward the good of the company from the beginning and I had supported his efforts and usually would purchase for him anything that he requested which would make his job easier or more productive. Had I realized the monster that I was creating when I asked her to help him, I would have done the work myself, as now the two of them have created an office allliance (I’m not sure how intimate). Because of her gossip and complaints to him, the General Manager now does not directly speak to me unless forced to. He generally treats me with contempt and is convinced that she is overworked and that everything he asks me to handle I give to her, which is completely false. I have even found out that when one of her old boyfriends applied for a job with our company, she went to the General Manager & told him that she did not like this guy, so the General Manager told him that he couldn’t work for us. I don’t even know if this is legal, but it certainly is not the way that we do business! Should I get a statement from this person and place it in her file? This situation has caused much stress in the workplace between everyone. I plan to move her from my own office and place her in a neutral area where she will no longer have access to personal and sensitive business information which she could share with him. However, I’m sure that this will cause him to be even more defensive on her behalf. Had I been smarter, I would have fired her a long time ago. Now I fear that to do so might cause him to quit. His work on our company’s behalf has been financially beneficial. Bottom line, they BOTH work for myself and my family. I’m afraid that I have tried too hard to keep everyone happy. I MUST be more assertive, but I’ve had no training in the area of personnel management and am not sure of the legal level of control that I am allowed to exert. HELP!
August 11th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Robin,
You have quite the situation. I think every office has the one “couple” whether intimate or not intimate that seem to rock the boat of the company. Unfortunately in your case it is a General Manager. I would do one of two things, neither of which are easy. The first thing I would do is speak to the GM myself. I would explain to him that his recent behavior(site examples) with the assistant are being perceived as favoritism. I would explain to him that favoritism could lead to claims of sexual harassment. I would remind him that in his position, he should be setting an example on professionalism and behavior. I would also tell him that you are documenting the conversation and hope to see improvement. If you do not feel comfortable having this conversation with him, I would go to the owner and explain the situation and advise the owner of the risk involved if this behavior continues. For all we know the GM could be promising a benefit or promotion to the assistant and if/when this doesn’t happen, she would have a prima facie case for harassment. I would love to hear how this turns out! Keep me posted!
November 3rd, 2008 at 6:47 pm
This is off topic, and I didn’t know where to ask this, but what happens when a direct supervisor pressures you to loan them money. Several occasions I turned them down, and then I suddenly felt my job was threatened, when they asked again, I had them sign a loan packet, they agreed to pay me back over three months, but I have not been paid back and this was over $500. I still directly report to this supervisor on occasion. What can be done?
November 4th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Gerald,
I think you need to report this information to the supervisor’s manager or another senior manager in the company. I would think that they would be as shocked about this as you and remedy the situation. This is certainly a form of harassment, the repetition to request after you said no, the position where you feel your position could be threatened if you didn’t “help the supervisor out”. You need to address this immediately with your company so they can take the appropriate corrective action. Good luck! let me know how it goes.