31 of the stupidest things ever put on a resume

Want to meet a bunch of people who absolutely didn’t get the job?

A Reddit user started a thread calling on all interviewers to share “the most ridiculous thing you’ve seen on a resume.”
The user stated the reason for this as, “I’m reviewing resumes and someone stated that they have ‘advanced knowledge of the internet.'”
Presumably, the user wanted to take this opportunity to revel in others’ absurd resume findings.
Luckily for all of us, the thread produced a plethora of gems.
Here are some of the highlights:

  • “None of my references really like me, so please don’t believe what they say.”
  • “We got an application from a man who simply put ‘Mexicans’ as his reason for leaving former employment.”
  • “I was helping someone with their resume once who listed their email address as 420bluntbro@….. “
  • “Grate communication and atention to details.”
  • “Under ‘certifications’ this guy put ‘bad ass.'”
  • “I had a guy put ‘Cougars’ in his interest category.”
  • All nicely typed on the first and only line of the page: “My name is Mike and I’d like a job. Here is my phone number. Thanks.”
  • “My friend used to put ‘petroleum transfer specialist at British Petroleum’ on his resume. In reality, he pumped gas at an BP gas station.”
  • “‘Applied to Harvard University’ under their education profile.”
  • “My brother-in-law put under Skills that he can ‘Hold 17 eggs in one hand.'”
  • “At the bottom under an interests/hobbies type heading: Collects Dragon Eggs.” (Commenter said this was more than a decade ago, so it was long before Game of Thrones.)
  • “When I worked retail, I once received an application that was filled out with a rainbow pen. Under address they wrote, ‘Not Relevant.'”
  • ” … I’m a producer and have read a lot of acting resumes. If you list ‘dinosaur noises’ as a skill, I AM going to make you demonstrate in your audition.”
  • “I have a buddy who thought it would be a good idea to put his 2.0 GPA on a resume.”
  • “‘Hydration specialist’ – she was the water girl for a football team.”
  • “An astrophysicist I know included ‘Can use a shovel.’ on her resume when applying to research positions. She got her first pick.”
  • “I was interviewing prospective servers for a restaurant. One young man turned in a resume written entirely in text speak. i.e. Werk Xperince- Bezt bAg Boy in da hizzouse at Da Key FUUD! I told him the job required he be able to write in English. He took the ‘resume’ back from me and left.”
  • “On a resume applying for a helpdesk position. USMC sniper, two tours in Iraq, 23 confirmed kills. To be fair I did consider hiring him and stationing him on the roof. There were a number of technical problems he could have solved from up there.”
  • “I manage a coffee shop, and females constantly put glamor shots in the resume. I even had one middle aged woman include a full length picture of herself in an evening gown. It was weird.”
  • “World of Warcraft Guild Leader as an example of leadership skills (listed like a previous job).”
  • “Under ‘Reason for applying with us:’ ‘My parents are rich, and I thought I could live for free off them for a few more years. Turns out I was wrong. Now I need to get a job and move out. I’m lazy though.'”
  • “‘Have you ever been convicted of a Felony? If yes, please explain’ Answer: ‘Yes. Arson. But he deserved it, will discuss in interview.'”
  • “‘Spelling Bee Winner’ listed under accomplishments/activities. The ironic part – the Objective part of the resume started ‘To obtane a chalenging position…'”
  • “All seriousness: ‘Italian cuisine logistics engineer’. He was a pizza delivery guy.”
  • “One guy summarized every position with a one-line summary.. that sounded like a movie trailer. The one we laugh about to this day is ‘a code-slingin’ cowboy venturing alone into the Wild West of Java’.”
  • “‘experience using microwave,’ on an application to a restaurant.”
  • “‘I am in the top 2% of programmers’ No explanation of how that is determined… I should have asked. :-(“
  • “I asked someone to fill out an application, since they didn’t have a resume…he only had one previous job, and in the space where it asked why he left, he wrote ‘got locked up’.”
  • “Left a contact email that started with kinkykitty@”
  • “Windows 7 was my idea.”
  • “‘I bake great cakes and will share if you give me this job.’ It was for a mortgage banking position.”

Share the worst thing you’ve ever seen on a resume in the Comment section below, and we’ll put together a follow-up list.