Every manager (and HR pro) has run across workers whose personality or performance is so dismal it defies description.
That doesn’t stop supervisors from putting their opinions into words, however. On the Manpower blog, Mark Toth quotes University of Michigan business professor Dick Beatty on some of the most memorable performance evaluation summaries ever written.
Here’s a rundown:
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
- He’s so dense, light bends around him.
- The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.
- He’s got the whole six-pack but lacks the plastic thingy holding it all together.
- Since my last report, the employee reached rock bottom and began to dig.
- He would argue with a signpost.
- If you stand close enough to him you can hear the ocean.
- Takes an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.
- If he were any more stupid he’d have to be watered twice a week.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
Toth offers these comments as the antithesis of what performance reviews should really be about. For a rundown of his best practices in employee evaluations, go here.