Human Resources News & Insights

Wanted: Mindless, underpaid employee with no life

You’ll have a hard time finding a less appealing job posting than this one.

Small publisher Dalkey Archive has offices in Dublin, London and Champaign, IL, and the press recently posted a new job opening for their London location.

So what would it take to succeed at Dalkey, according to the posting? Well, some pretty typical stuff at first — doing whatever it takes to help Dalkey succeed, and so on.

Oh, and one more small thing: The job would be your one and only priority in your entire life.

The best candidates “do not have any other commitments (personal or professional) that will interfere with work at the Press (family obligations, writing, involvement with other organizations, degrees to be finished, holidays to be taken, weddings to attend in Rio, etc.) … DO NOT APPLY IF ALL OF THE ABOVE DOES NOT DESCRIBE YOU.”

Perhaps more entertaining is the list of fireable offenses, which stop just short of coughing too loudly in the workplace. They include:

coming in late or leaving early without prior permission; being unavailable at night or on the weekends; failing to meet any goals; giving unsolicited advice about how to run things; taking personal phone calls during work hours; gossiping; misusing company property, including surfing the internet while at work; submission of poorly written materials; creating an atmosphere of complaint or argument; failing to respond to emails in a timely way; not showing an interest in other aspects of publishing beyond editorial; making repeated mistakes; violating company policies.

The posting has since been removed. Something tells us it’s not because of a avalanche of applicants.

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