4 Ways to Give Advice (Especially When They Don’t Think They Need It)

Advice is a lot like Castor oil – easy to give, harder to take.

And since that’s so true, it means managers have their work cut out for them when it comes to giving good advice.

We all admire the wisdom of those who come to us for help, right? But that just doesn’t happen often enough. And therein lies the problem.

Good managers must give sound advice on a daily basis, and they can’t always wait until someone comes seeking it out.

Instead, it’s dished out cold, sort of ready-or-not-here-it-comes.

Of course, there’s a lot of advice available on how to give good advice. But much of it just doesn’t apply in the real world of work.

Timing Your Advice

For instance, a manager can’t always wait for the perfect and most reflective moment to give it. Finding that moment is guesswork at best. And who has the time when the clock is ticking and things need to get done?

And in the business world, truth be told, advice isn’t always optional, either.

So, with that in mind, here are four tactics you can put to use when you know you need to give someone some good advice — and you feel they might be bothered by or reject it.

1. Agree on the Focus

The best first step is to get the person to agree that something could be fixed, improved or changed. But that’s also the hardest part.

Many times someone has already decided what to do and isn’t looking for your advice.

The trick is to get them thinking, “Yes, I’ve been concerned about that as well.”

One way to do that is the tried-and-true tactic of asking open-ended questions.

1. What else can you do with the _________?
2. Tell me about ___________.
3. What could you use to make the ___________________?
4. What do you think would happen if ________________?
5. Is there another way to ___________________?

2. Get Permission

That doesn’t mean you ask, “May I have your permission to give you some advice?” Forget that. Instead you want the person to discover your advice and take ownership of it.

One technique is to say “I’ve found some ideas on approaches you might try if you’d like to see if it could be improved.” Then turn it over to them.

The goal is to minimize any perception that they are somehow being controlled and instead give them the tools to be in control.

3. Meet Them Where They Are

This is a mainstay of experienced educators and counselors. People are where they are – despite their manager’s desire for them to be further along.

The challenge is to step outside yourself and try to imagine the place others may be stuck in. It requires excellent listening skills. But it’s amazing the discoveries a person or group of people make on their own if they are simply allowed to speak freely.

4. Model the Change

We’ll admit it — and you’ve probably seen it: Giving advice to reluctant people doesn’t always work, regardless of how good the advice is and how well you execute the previous three ideas.

One final tip to try: Model the behavior you want to see or the change you want to happen. Encouragement works well when outright advising doesn’t.

According to research on observational learning, people will resist unsolicited advice and instruction (no surprise there). But researchers found that the same people who are resistant to listening will follow the behaviors of those around and above them. That holds especially true when they see that those behaviors or changes appear to be good and result in positive outcomes. So if you want someone to heed your advice, show and tell them the positive outcomes you’ve experienced by doing the same.