Gaslighting at Work: How to Recognize and Stop It

Gaslighting at work happens day in and day out.

The most dangerous thing about gaslighting is that it’s hidden. Most people don’t realize it’s happening to them. And co-workers who might witness it usually can’t see it happening either.

And that can damage anyone’s career.

Gaslighting at Work: TV Reality

It’s so rampant these days, it was the theme of a recent episode of Black Mirror, where the main character, Maria, gradually loses her grip on reality as she’s manipulated by a newcomer to her workplace. The new colleague creates inconsequential lies – like the name of a known restaurant or an ingredient in a recipe. As the manipulations become more serious, Maria starts to question her memory, ability and sanity.

“In Maria, you see how powerful it is when someone keeps telling you what you saw didn’t happen, or that your instincts are wrong,” says Jeremy Boudinet, VP of Growth at Textla. “That’s exactly what gaslighting looks like at work – and it’s incredibly damaging.” 

But here’s the scary part: Any one of your employees could be Maria, a victim of gaslighting in the workplace.

Gaslighting on the Rise

While gaslighting isn’t a new concept – it originated from a 1938 play and 1944 movie when a man secretly dims and brightens gas lamps to eventually convince his wife she can’t trust her reality — it’s increased in the workplace recently.

In fact, just a few years ago, Merriam-Webster made gaslighting its word of the year. That year, gaslighting had a 1,740% increase in online searches. (And if you’re still wondering what it specifically is, Merriam-Webster defines it as “the act or practice of grossly misleading someone, especially for one’s own advantage.” 

Recognize Gaslighting at Work

One of the hardest parts of addressing gaslighting at work is figuring out that it’s happening. Due to the nature of the manipulation, victims of gaslighting may believe the other party is correct and that they can’t trust their own judgment.

“It can be as subtle as being left out of meetings, having your ideas dismissed only to be repeated later by someone else, or being told you’re overreacting when you raise a genuine concern,” Boudinet says. 

Gaslighting at work could look like: 

• A supervisor who enjoys flexible scheduling denies a worker’s request for more flexible arrangements, calling it a “ridiculous request” or an impossible thing to allow. When pressed on the issue, the supervisor gets defensive, makes excuses and causes the worker to question their reality.
• A co-worker fails to communicate clearly about expectations on a project and then “misremembers” what was agreed upon by team members. When challenged or proven wrong, the co-worker gets defensive, blames team members for submitting “subpar” work and makes them question their value to the team.
• One team member regularly blames another for any and everything that goes wrong, even when the evidence doesn’t point that way. Or the team member blows up something that wasn’t even a mistake, causing the victim to clam up and avoid interaction.
• A boss tells an employee she’s “too sensitive” when she raises an issue, suggesting that the concern, especially if it’s one about her judgment, is nothing that needs attention.

“You tend to find in some workplaces that people who were once a fantastic addition to a team, can end up going down a path of believing they’re not good enough, when really they’re being undermined by a toxic boss or team member,” Boudinet says. “They stop speaking up, second-guess themselves constantly, and eventually miss out on opportunities they deserve.” 

How It Can Affect the Workplace

Manipulation like gaslighting can quickly turn the workplace into a toxic and hostile environment. Employees may feel like they need to walk on eggshells and watch what they say. Beyond that, though, it can lead to a decrease in productivity and morale. People who are being gaslit about their work, will likely start believing that they’re not good at their job or not qualified, leading to imposter syndrome and a lack of confidence. 

“If an employee is made to believe they are crazy or not good enough, they might lose excitement in their work over time and develop resentment toward the employer,” says William Stonehouse III, co-founder and president of Crawford Thomas Recruiting. “In more severe cases, gaslighting can creep into a person’s private life, impacting their mental health and well-being.”

What to Do About Gaslighting in the Workplace

It’s one thing to understand and identify gaslighting at work, but fixing the problem is another challenge. 

Here are some steps to identify and stop gaslighting at work:

• Stay alert. Be on the lookout for hyperbolic terms such as “crazy,” “ridiculous,” or “absurd.”
• Listen. Remind employees that they can and should bring concerns about manipulative behaviors to their boss and/or HR. Then listen intently to employee complaints and confirm the situation is really gaslighting.
• Gather facts. Encourage employees to keep any record of manipulative behavior they can. For instance, they might want to keep emails, texts or workplace app messages that point to gaslighting.
• Monitor. Leaders want to watch out for employees whose performance or engagement suddenly drops after thriving for long periods. They may not recognize gaslighting going on around them.
• Stay vigilant. If a situation is truly gaslighting, keep a closer eye on the perpetrator and look for manipulative behaviors and red flags. 
• Confront. Once you’ve gathered evidence of the behavior, document your findings and talk with the individual. Depending on the severity of the behavior, the next steps may be a performance improvement or an exit plan.
• Support. Provide support to the victims of gaslighting to help mitigate the effects on their mental health.