Can We Talk? Where Performance Conversations Run Off the Rails

Let’s say you finally decided to talk to an employee about his performance.

You’ve put it off for some time, because … well … performance conversations are uncomfortable.

But you need to talk about his disinterest and disengagement. Or you need to resolve the issue that his work is regularly late.

Regardless, you know you have to have “the talk.”

Approaching Performance Conversations

How you approach the performance chat will affect the response you’ll get – and the turnaround you’re hoping for.

But even though your main goal is to improve the employee’s performance, your chat might backfire if you have an underlying agenda.

And according to leadership coach Marlene Chism, many managers do harbor hidden agendas in performance conversations that can derail an otherwise good performance conversation.

The bigger problem is, most managers aren’t necessarily aware of their ill intentions.

Here are some of the big ones Chism says happen whether managers are conscious of them or not:

1. Intent Just to Punish

If your goal is to justify punishment you’re about to give, the employee won’t likely work hard to avoid the mistake he already made.

Granted, you’ll likely intimidate employees, and that’ll only make them resent you and the work. This could lead to the employee hiding work from you out of fear, or (more likely) to his searching for another job.

And this could cause a problem if an employee is an otherwise good worker.

“You may have good reason to be angry,” says Chism, “but showing resentment is a sign that your intention may not be in the right place.”

Start these performance conversations upfront with an acknowledgment of what the employee did wrong, and why it made you concerned: “I know you know what you did wrong, but I also want to make sure you understand why I’m displeased.”

2. Intention to Prove Your Point

If you find yourself arguing with an employee in a performance conversation, your focus is probably more on you than on her. When an employee doesn’t agree with negative feedback, allow her to state her case, rather than counter her.

“You’re the boss, but don’t forget that you’re on the same team,” says Chism. You want her to understand that part of your job is to critique performance.

Be clear about the desired changes you want to see rather than concentrating on taking the employee’s arguments down: “Well, I’ve told you what the problem is, and rather than argue about it, I want to help you with ideas on how you can do better.”

3. Intent to Showcase Your Brilliance

Some managers use an employee performance conversation to wax eloquent on their own experiences and successes.

If you use a tale from your own career to make a point about the employee’s performance, that’s OK. But if you use yourself as some sort of paragon of genius, it’ll probably just turn your employee off.

“Make sure you aren’t using [the] conversation as a stage for bragging rights. Instead, think about ways to use your experience to help the employee shine,” Chism suggests: “Trust me, I understand … I went through some of the same learning curves you’re going through, so I’m proof you’ll get the hang of it soon.”

4. Intent to Comply

Some managers dread performance conversations so much, they do them only to comply with HR or department rules.

If you find yourself putting off the conversation and not giving it any effort, it’s a sign you might have fallen into the compliance trap.

It could be a defense mechanism; maybe too many past performance conversations have gone sour. Or maybe you’re unsure what to tell the employee; he’s not performing up to par, but you don’t see a clear solution on how to set him straight.

You can overcome this with better planning. Ask yourself what you need to convey to the employee, in detail, and consider ways you could see him improving.

Putting more effort into the conversation – rather than just going through the motions to document it – gives you a starting point. Begin the talk with a broad opening rather than a specific accusation: “You seem to be falling short on [this task], so let’s talk about why.”

5. Intent to Prove Importance

Sometimes what starts as a performance critique ends with a “because I said so!” thud.

Reminding an employee of his subordinate status while reviewing his performance comes across as bullying rather than help.

Putting an employee in his place might seem like the right thing at the time, but it’s often unnecessary and turns a teachable moment into a negative experience.

If you sense that a performance chat is turning into a game of one-upmanship, do your best to avoid the battle. Make sure your course-correction is geared toward making the employee better.

You’ll ultimately be more respected if employees view you as fair, Chism says: “I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, I want to make sure you understand it.”

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• Performance Management