Hidden in Plain Sight: How to Help Employees Struggling with Domestic Violence

HR often deals with difficult topics — from layoffs to mental health. But there’s one topic that can get overlooked at work and beyond: domestic violence. 

Whether it’s ignorance, fear or simply not knowing how to properly respond, domestic violence is a topic few people know how to properly speak up about or know how to support domestic violence victims. 

For HR, it’s imperative to know the signs to look out for and the steps to take if you’re concerned with an employee’s safety, whether that takes the form of physical, emotional or financial abuse.

Domestic Violence Affects Business

October is Domestic Violence Awareness and Prevention Month, and it can act as a catalyst for employers to help victims. Domestic violence doesn’t stay at home. It affects businesses. Its toll on victims is insurmountable (and that’s why HR and employers want to help as much as they can).

More than 80% of survivors said an abuser affected their ability to work, according to a FUTURES Without Violence study. More than eight million days of paid work are lost to survivors of domestic violence, according to the CDC’s National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, study “Costs of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women in the United States.”

They simply can’t come to work and do their jobs because they’ve been abused.

“If an employee is in an abusive relationship, it will unequivocally impact their work,” says Gail Tiburzi Buck, Co-Founder of nextOPP Search. “A job is sometimes the only lifeline a victim of abuse has.”

Recognize the Many Faces of Domestic Violence

Forget the stereotypes about domestic violence, such as it only affects women physically done by men in blue-collar households.

In reality, domestic violence spans all points of difference, from gender to age to economic status, and domestic violence can take many forms that are not the physical abuse the media portrays. 

For example, domestic violence victims are prone to experiencing financial abuse as well. Up to 99% of domestic violence victims are subject to financial abuse, and 74% stay in abusive relationships because of financial concerns. 

Help Everyone Recognize the Signs of Abuse

Outward, physical signs of abuse – such as bruises, wounds and cuts — are not the only. Other, more  often prevalent, signs of employees being abused include: 

• Absenteeism
• Difficulty concentrating and decreased productivity
• Changes in behavior or demeanor
• Isolation and a lack of participation in office activities and meetings
• Excessive or unusual phone or email contact (mostly incoming calls/texts)
• Stalking, harassment or threats that happen at or through work (current or ex-partners showing up, harassment via social media, possibly even directed at the workplace)
• Transportation and punctuality problems (someone sabotages the victim’s ability to get to work or limits the victim’s ability to travel for work), and
• Employment sabotage and financial red flags, such as an inability to access bank accounts, an employee requesting help with accessing payroll information, or questionable, unexplained deductions. The pattern of erratic behavior is the red flag that an abuser might be controlling pay or benefits.

“Note that many of these signs are subtle and overlap with other causes – such as mental health issues, caregiving and illness,” says Rebecca Oppenheim, Co-Founder of nextOPP Search. “So managers should treat them as triggers to check in safely and confidentially, not as proof of abuse.”

How to Approach a Potential Difficult Situation

There are no easy ways to address potential domestic violence situations in the workplace. But not addressing it can be worse. Left unaddressed, an employee could be put in increased danger.

Buck and Oppenheim give eight best practices on what to do when you suspect an employee is the victim of domestic violence.

1. Be Proactive

Before you approach the topic, make sure you have the proper expertise and resources to provide your employee. Or you know where to get it. “The first step is to partner with organizations that are experts on this topic,” says Buck Oppenheim. “This means sharing resources and information on domestic abuse shelters, hotlines and clinics. Forming an affiliation with a local advocacy group is a guaranteed way to discover appropriate resources to be able to offer to employees.” 

2. Prioritize Safety, Confidentiality

Don’t probe for details. Offer a private, non-judgmental conversation and make clear you’ll keep information confidential unless there’s an imminent safety threat. Use private channels – not email, because there’s a chance the abuser monitors it.

3. Listen, Believe, Validate

Keep the conversation brief and supportive

For instance, say, “I’m worried about your safety — how can we help?” Avoid pressuring the person to leave the relationship.

4. Get Consent

Ask permission before taking concrete steps. Ask the victim what they want you to do.

“Only act with consent unless there’s an immediate danger,” says Oppenheim.

5. Accommodate

Offer immediate workplace accommodation – such as flexible scheduling, paid safe time, temporary change of work location or phone number, change shift assignments and/or security escort to the car.

“Make these standard options so requesting them doesn’t ‘out’ someone,” says Buck.

Ensure these accommodations comply with applicable state laws on domestic violence leave.

6. Provide Resources

Make concrete resources – such as an EAP contact, local domestic-violence hotline and shelter, safety planning materials, and legal resources – available at all times.

If your organization partners with a local advocate, offer to connect them directly, which makes help easier and safer.

7. Document

“Document privately and securely any threats to workplace safety, but not the intimate details,” says Oppenheim.

If the employee requests it, act on security measures such as a badge change, escort or restricted building access.

8. Act

If violence or an immediate threat occurs, get security and law enforcement involved. Follow the employee’s wishes when it’s safe to do so.

Domestic Violence Resources for All Employees

Like other benefits, you might want to make resources on domestic violence available to employees at all times. Someone may have a friend or loved one who could benefit from the information, or maybe an employee who needs it isn’t an obvious candidate or able to speak up.

Whatever the reason, Oppenheim says resources “reduce stigma and help people access them whether or not someone’s situation is known.” She and Buck suggest employers offer:

• An Employee Assistance Program (EAP) with IPV-trained counselors and 24/7 hotline access
• A workplace policy on domestic violence/personal relationship violence that explains accommodations, leave, confidentiality, and reporting options
• Paid “safe time,” domestic violence-related leave or flexible leave for medical care, court dates, relocation, child care and clear instructions on how to request it confidentially
• Training for managers on how to spot signs, respond safely and implement accommodations without violating privacy or employment law
• Partnerships with local domestic-violence service providers and/or legal aid
• Financial support. Emergency funds, referral to financial-literacy programs and help with benefits enrollment address economic abuse and the uncertainties that often lead victims to stay in abusive relationships, and
• Confidential reporting channels and a clear process for documenting threats to workplace safety.

“It’s best if these resources are part of a broader workplace safety and wellbeing program – this way they’re normalized for everyone, not just ‘for victims,’” says Buck.