Kind v. Nice: It Makes a Big Difference for Employee Feedback | 2-Minute Video

When it comes to giving employee feedback, there’s a difference between being kind and being nice.

It’s an important distinction HR pros and front-line managers want to make.

What’s Up in This Episode: Kind v. Nice

In this episode of HRMorning’s 3-Point, Amy Baker, Managing Partner at Happy Humans Consulting LLC, explains the difference between kindness and niceness in the workplace, and why you want to use one over the other. Plus, she gives us a real-world example of an organization that gives feedback — the right kind — based on values and principles and why that works best.

Click, watch and listen for more details on giving better employee feedback.

Transcript (edited for clarity):

Bosses often try to give feedback meant to help, but it ends up hurting. Either the employee’s feelings get hurt, or the feedback misses the mark. That’s why in this episode, our expert points to one company that gives feedback based more on principles and less on rigid rules. Plus, she explains a distinction everyone who gives feedback needs to practice. Here’s our example:

Amy Baker, MSHRM, SPHR, SHRM-SCP, Managing Partner, Happy Humans Consulting LLC: “Netflix is all about core values and principle-based. And so they trust their employees. Their policies are more core-value and principle-driven, as opposed to compliance-driven.”

So feedback within the organization is focused more on alignment with values and principles. That’s not to say they don’t talk about behaviors and practices that affect work. But they connect what needs to change back to those values. More importantly …

Baker: “Performance reviews aren’t necessarily annual – it doesn’t mean that they necessarily eliminate them. But it’s more focused on check-ins and feedback and things like that.”

The annual review is less important because there’s continual feedback. And that’s where this critical factor comes into play.

Baker: “One of the things I tell people in regard to that is, there’s a difference between being nice and being kind. Being nice avoids confrontation. So you tell something to somebody that they want to hear or that will be less offensive to them. That’s as opposed to being kind, with respectfully giving them the information that they need, helping them understand that it’s not necessarily a deficit with them, or punitive, but an opportunity for improvement.” 

Now, in our 3-Point takeaway, let’s focus on kind – not nice – feedback.

• Be prepared. Give employees the information you’ve gathered. That should include specific examples, times and the effects of what’s happened.
• Line it up. Explain where the behavior or incident doesn’t align with your organization’s principles. Emphasize that this is now an opportunity to improve.
• Give direction. Get the employee’s feedback on how they might improve. Then steer them toward the best option.

I’ll admit I didn’t ever consider the difference between niceness and kindness in employee feedback. But I see from Amy Baker that it’s a difference that matters. Now, for more tips on delivering effective feedback, check out this under the Blueprint tab on HRMorning: Delivering Effective Employee Feedback. As always, thanks for joining us.